A Cocktail From Hell

I've been injured by a massive cocktail of Prozac, Adderall, Haloperidol, Lamotrigine, Dupixent, Risperidone, Clonazepam, Ambien, Wellbutrin, and Lunesta (and a whole host of other medications, like blood pressure medications for night terrors and something to help with weight loss. Again, adding another medication to help the other one work better?). And what's sad is I am still on a lower dose of Clonazepam, from 3 mg a day down to 1.5, and down to 10 mg of Adderall from 45 mg per day for ADHD, and melatonin and Lunesta (occasionally, just to function and sleep, which I've always had an issue with prior to the medications). When I realized I was being harmed by the medications, I stopped all of them cold turkey with the exception of Adderall, Clonazepam, and something for sleep.

I'm highly sensitive to noise, smells, and sounds, and having problems with my vision, as well as unexplained aches and pains and inflammation. I have to admit I tried to use cannabis to help get off of the antidepressants, but that caused a whole host of other issues, with paranoia, anxiety, memory and other health problems, which have gone away after detoxing, and I have completely quit that as well.

The only thing that has helped me is doing exactly what you've mentioned: deep breathing (walking five miles a day) and literally burning off all of the energy I do have in order to sleep at night. Things go south as soon as I deviate from my diet. The amount of joint pain, discomfort, anxiety, insomnia, and inability to sit still, along with restlessness (which can still be explained by depressive episodes) and chronic fatigue and just lying around, is alleviated by a clean diet along with plenty of walking, exercise, and supplementation. The things I get overwhelmed about are things that aren't dangerous, and that's what makes me sad. I can't even handle driving anymore because of the neurological injury and stress, so I have to be driven around, which causes even more anxiety planning rides. Thankfully I found a new psychiatrist who has pinpointed what this is, and we're on a less-is-more approach.

I don't know if I'm completely damaged, but I'll give some hope. At my worst I was on 7 medications and 246 pounds, and I cleaned up my diet without even talking to a doctor. After hearing about ketogenic diets and eating unprocessed foods, I was able to lose 70 pounds while at the same time losing muscle, but then gaining it over time with consistent hydration and eating a meat-based diet.

Meditation and God / Jesus / and the Holy Spirit are working a miracle in me right now. I can feel myself getting better only when I stay the course of spiritual worship and keep my assistance to sleep limited to natural melatonin and plenty of physical and healthy activity, such as reading, writing music, playing the organ and piano, and staying active (occasionally Lunesta on a bad night), and whole foods. Unfortunately I'm still on Clonazepam, but we've agreed to keep it to as-needed, and I'm no longer running out, which is amazing! There is hope. It takes time, and I'm not out of the woods yet. I couldn't function for 10 years. And I was on a cocktail from hell.

Now this year I've come back to church and have a renewed faith in Christianity. I came back to my original church again and am back to playing the organ for worship services and finally experiencing happiness and peace. It takes a lot of focus and time in prayer and self-care, physically and nutritionally.

I am praying for you and your father. And may the Lord have mercy on and enlighten those who are spreading hate and rumors about your family, me, and so many others as an “addict” or “crazy”. You are not alone if you are suffering from this. Self-advocate. Find a doctor who cares (they do exist. The reality of this injury is overwhelming still to this day, and I am traumatized from it). At one point I did need the medications, or so I thought, but they ended up making me worse.

I was provided information about the medications, but one day (after years of taking these medications) I was told I have pseudo-Parkinson's and was basically forced to sign a document at the doctor's office years later about the dangers and side effects. I said to my doctor, what are we doing then? Take me off of everything! And I stormed out and found a new doctor in the same clinic, who is a woman and spends 45 minutes with me in person, not over the phone.

So it's going to take some time to heal and recover. God bless you and your family. Shame on those who are ignorant about this and choose to make it a headline or hate and abuse. Also shame on the doctors for prescribing medications, breaking their oath to do no harm, without doing proper tests and evaluations. Psych meds can be helpful for some. But a lot of times it's misdiagnosed and prescribed as a band-aid, which ends up in a confusing wound.

My family says I am back. My friends recognize me again. I still have bad days, but that's part of the process, I guess. The clinic I was going to no longer has that psychiatrist, whom I think was doing the best he could to treat the genuinely mentally ill. Though I was overprescribed, and even my pharmacist played a big role in informing the doctor, who originally said, “It shouldn't be much of a problem.” In hindsight, I was telling him everything was okay even though it wasn't. The secretaries at the clinic have expressed their disdain and unhappiness with that particular psychiatrist, who I do have mixed feelings about. He helped me for some time, but every visit was like, “Have you tried this medication? Have you tried that?” No. How does it work? He would explain, and I'd give it a try and say, yep, everything seems to be okay. He helped me through 2 DUIs (which ended up being from the medications) but did a lot of harm in the process, which I now know was because they have an algorithmic approach. This symptom = this protocol. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way, doc.

I am healing and playing music again, inspired, feeling joy, happiness, peace, with quite a bit of fog and fatigue still. But it is getting better.