Symptoms: Akathisia, Suicidal ideation
I first started taking mental health medications around age 19 when I was struggling with depression. I was prescribed Lexapro, which I took for several months. Eventually, I blacked out while driving and caused a four-car pileup, likely due to the medication. After that, I decided to come off of it and experienced severe withdrawal symptoms.
I stayed off mental health medications for a while, but after a miscarriage at age 25, I began trying SSRIs and SNRIs again. I experienced side effects on nearly every one I tried. The worst was Effexor, which caused vertigo, vomiting, and brain zaps. Eventually, I became relatively stable on a combination of Wellbutrin and Lamictal. Even then, I continued to struggle with suicidal ideation, though I never had any plans or intent. Throughout this time, and especially after my miscarriage, I also dealt with panic attacks and was prescribed Klonopin and Xanax as needed.
When I became pregnant again, I decided to remain on my medications because I was nervous about coming off of them. At the time, I was taking Wellbutrin and Lamictal. Wanting to simplify to a single medication, I followed my psychiatrist's recommendation to try Latuda after he had diagnosed me with Bipolar II.
Almost immediately, I began experiencing akathisia. Because I was in my second trimester and had heard that many pregnant women develop restless leg syndrome, I initially assumed that was what I was experiencing—except it wasn't just my legs. It was my entire body. I was constantly crying, struggling to sit still at work, pacing endlessly, and noticing suicidal thoughts returning. I felt tremendous guilt for having those thoughts while pregnant and kept asking myself, "What is happening to me?"
By the grace of God, I eventually realized I might be experiencing a medication side effect. Given my history of adverse reactions, I had become familiar with reading medication inserts. While researching, I came across a term I had never heard before: akathisia. The moment I read the description, I knew exactly what was happening to me.
I found an online forum suggesting that diphenhydramine could help reduce akathisia symptoms. Knowing it was generally considered safe during pregnancy, I decided to try it. Within 30 to 45 minutes of taking Benadryl, the intensity of the akathisia began to lessen. That confirmed for me that I needed to get off the medication immediately.
Unfortunately, my psychiatrist was uninformed about akathisia despite it being a listed side effect, and he also lacked knowledge about proper tapering practices. I eventually returned to my previous Wellbutrin and Lamictal combination and, within six months of delivering my baby, successfully came off all psychiatric medications.
I am incredibly grateful that I did not experience long-term effects, as I know many people do. Still, enduring akathisia for more than a week during an already stressful pregnancy after loss was one of the most frightening and challenging experiences of my life. I will never forget how my body felt, what was happening in my mind, or the overwhelming sense of helplessness. I also will never forget the lack of informed consent I received regarding the risks of the medication.
Since this experience, I have gone on to earn a master's degree in mental health counseling. One of my greatest hopes is to help prevent others from experiencing prescribed harm and to ensure that people are given the information they need to make truly informed decisions about their treatment.