Symptoms: Akathisia, Brain zaps, Emotional blunting, Cognitive impairment, Insomnia, Suicidal ideation, Severe anxiety/panic
I was suffering from a neurological episode of severe dyskinesia; stroke-like symptoms, joint pain, seizures, the whole nine yards. The previous time this happened I had to give myself one-handed CPR to get myself breathing again because all of my subconscious control of my body disappeared. So naturally I wanted to make sure I didn't almost die again, so I went to the hospital and asked for a neurologist to see me quickly. Instead, they wheeled me to the ER where I waited several hours in what felt like blinding light in the loudest place on earth before being "seen". Long story short, [medical malpractice] and after 5 hours, two nurses finally came to relieve my "symptoms" with an ibuprofen, Tylenol, and an injection. My significant other asked, "What is that?" One nurse said, "Is that Toradol?" The other said, "Nope," and injected me in the shoulder. I found out later it was droperidol.
Instead of treating any part of my issues, they gave me an antipsychotic, dopamine/serotonin antagonist made for aggressive asylum patients in the 1960s.
I have neurotransmitter issues to begin with, very low dopamine production. And then they injected me with a drug that takes your current serotonin and dopamine levels and shoves them through the floor. Now I had already been undergoing one of the worst times in my life; no conscious control of my motor functions, splitting headache, antagonistic staff, being shoved aside into a hallway like purgatory when all I wanted was an EEG; just a horrible environment and experience. So when I was injected (without consent or warning) with a drug that makes you unable to experience happiness or satisfaction and makes your body feel awful, you can only imagine what it was like. I felt like I was in Hell, literally. I saw that my situation was horrible, it wouldn't get better, when I left this place my problems would stay, I might feel like this forever, nothing in my life had any purpose or value to it, everything I had to look forward to experiencing felt like absolute misery, my life was a waste, I'm trapped and I can't ever escape; I wanted to kill myself to be free more than ever in my life. Have you ever had a vivid nightmare where the content itself wasn't scary, but the vibes were so evil and awful you felt dread the entire next day? It was like that, but real life was the nightmare and I wasn't allowed to sleep or wake up from it. Have you seen a TV show where a character is forced into a mental asylum and given an injection before having a vivid nightmare sequence? Yeah, that.
Supposedly this was an anti-nausea medication too, but it made me incredibly nauseous, which added the devil's cherry on top of me feeling the worst I had ever been in my life.
Three weeks later, I am still unable to feel pleasure, joy, satisfaction, and only a scarce amount of hope. Everything feels empty and devoid of meaning, and nothing feels worthwhile. I don't know how to get out of this. I went from living hell to persistent purgatory, and now my dopaminergic system is worse and may be damaged permanently. I'm not sure what to do, but I know that everyone should add this drug to their allergy list.