Symptoms: Brain zaps, Emotional blunting, Sexual dysfunction, Depersonalization/Derealization, Severe anxiety/panic, GI disturbances
I was started on Zoloft at age 9 for debilitating OCD symptoms. This medication drastically reduced my symptoms. I was quickly titrated up to 100 mg and have remained at that dose for 25 years. No one ever mentioned a path off, how to help me after stabilization, and it was determined I would relapse without medication. I was later told this would be a lifelong medication for me. I never knew if I had symptoms because I had no comparison to know what it was like without the medication.
I heard about the harms of these medications last year, freaked out, and tried to quit cold turkey. I was off for 4 months before the worst withdrawal: panic, fear, brain zaps, derealization, severe fear that I would become suicidal. I reinstated and tapered back up to 100 mg gradually. Thankfully I found ERP therapy, the gold standard for OCD, obviously not mainstream enough in 2001 when I was diagnosed. I have progressed leaps and bounds in managing OCD and desperately want to come off the med.
While being off, I experienced clarity, range of emotion I didn't know was possible, an enhanced sex life with my husband, and better sleep.
I realize now after further research that I was medicated as a child and it set me up for failure. I was on Zyrtec for 25 years (histamine is also a neurotransmitter), I was told to keep taking it from the age of 5. Started Zoloft at age 9 and montelukast because I developed asthma around that time as well, and was told to stay on that for life. I was started on hormonal birth control at age 18 for debilitating cramps and heavy bleeding (likely due to Zoloft) and was kept on that for 14 years.
I now have to deal with the fact that I was on an SSRI through my development, then my natural hormonal cycle was stolen from me, and my immune system never learned to regulate allergies.
I quit all the meds. I am now back on Zoloft and starting the process of a slow taper. Withdrawal is the worst. The worst symptom I have in my life is withdrawal from this brain poison. Not OCD, not the original condition, but the withdrawal.
Unfortunately I now long for life on the other side of the medicine because I've seen it. I am committed to the long process of coming off this medication. The psychiatric and conventional sick care system failed me.