Symptoms: Akathisia, Emotional blunting, Sexual dysfunction, Cognitive impairment, Insomnia, Depersonalization/Derealization, Suicidal ideation, Tinnitus, Neuropathy, Severe anxiety/panic, Muscle/joint pain, Anhedonia, Dizziness, Fatigue, Headaches, Vision issues, Light/sound sensitivity, Bladder pain
I was prescribed Paxil (paroxetine) for anxiety at age 25. In the early stages (the honeymoon phase) the drug helped with my anxiety. It actually seemed to fundamentally change who I was by blunting all of my emotions. It also came with some immediate side effects like weight gain (40 lbs in 6 months), jaw clenching, sleep disturbances, and some sexual dysfunction.
As the years went on, I began to suffer more and more with lethargy, apathy, headaches, vision problems, and cognitive decline. The drug also didn't seem to be helping with anxiety any longer. After 12 years on Paxil, I approached my doctor with these concerns. He decided to switch me to Prozac (fluoxetine), stating Prozac was a more "activating" SSRI. He instructed me to stop the Paxil cold turkey, wait 3 days, and then begin Prozac. Knowing what I know now, this was negligent advice. Paxil leaves the body quickly, while Prozac takes time to build up in the bloodstream. While they are both SSRIs, Paxil and Prozac are chemically different. For many people the drugs are not interchangeable.
About a week into the cold switch, my brain and body suddenly went haywire. I developed dizziness, depersonalization/derealization, head pressure, nausea, and a feeling of neurological terror and restlessness that I now know to be akathisia. The doctor recommended increasing Prozac, which made things worse. A few weeks later I saw a different doctor who advised that I should reinstate Paxil. This stabilized things a bit, but did not resolve the symptoms. The damage was done.
Over the next year, doctors prescribed me Cymbalta and Lexapro before finally trying Paxil again one last time. Each of these drug trials worsened my condition. I lived in a constant state of neurological terror, confusion, and pain. At one point I went 4 straight days without sleeping. It was like being trapped in a nightmare with no escape.
Eventually I stopped all medication. A few months later I suddenly developed severe bladder pain and urinary issues. I felt a strong urge to urinate 24 hours a day. At its worst, this condition was so horrible that I thought I would have no choice but to take my own life to escape the horrible sensations.
I have now been off all drugs for over 5 years. Over time I have learned to become more accustomed to the symptoms, but they have not really improved in any meaningful way. I believe what happened to me is irreversible neurological damage.
I have been to countless doctors and specialists. None have been able to help. Most of them are dismissive and deny the drugs could have played a part in my illness. Their main concern seems to be upholding the status quo by defending the drugs as "safe and effective."
I never fathomed torture this surreal and relentless was possible as part of the human experience. I am still in shock that it can be caused by a doctor-prescribed medication. The unique thing that makes us human has been extinguished in me. All that is left is pain and suffering. In my opinion, it is a fate worse than death.