Symptoms: Brain zaps, Depersonalization/Derealization, Severe anxiety/panic
So, my story is not extreme, but I certainly want to be part of this journey because answers begin with awareness.
Encountering childhood traumas, I came to realize (from a friend) that I was encountering depression and anxiety shortly into my adulthood. As I got older I noticed the further away I got from the source, it seemed the symptoms got worse. I gave different counselors a try where I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety. I had always been hesitant on anxiety medication, but I gave it a try at 28.
I started a new drug called "Paroxetine". Immediately, my depression got worse and I was getting suicidal ideations -- this was a 2 week to a month experience. Then I tried "Citalopram", which seemed to work, then it seemed like it wasn't working. So I talked to my doctor and he suggested an "adjunct" which is where they put you on another medication to partner with the anxiety medication, because maybe the anxiety medication "isn't getting to all the areas of the brain" (in order to do this, I needed to be on the max dose - 40mg). I thought this all sounded weird, but I didn't question it, because they're the doctors.
Fast forward, I stopped taking it for financial reasons (because I cannot afford insurance and most co-pays but I tried), I did not want to be dependent on them and, I have Multiple Sclerosis. I am already on edge about not making any cognitive function worse.
I am 30 now and have been off the medication for about 2 ½ - 3 months now. It was a 2-week tapering after a year or so of taking it. I encountered intense rage, anger, impatience, tingling, restless leg/body/arms, more anxiety, and emotional numbness. I am thankful for the patience of my aunt and fiancé, because I tried to water the experience down, but it was bad. I almost went off on coworkers, customers, managers, family, and contemplated walking out. I even contemplated calling off my engagement. However, the symptoms — per usual — are often worse than the medication.
This is the main reason I do not take medication for Multiple Sclerosis. I have had this since I was 13. I am thankful I am more aware. (Sometimes I was unsure if it was the MS or if it was the withdrawal.) Sometimes I use "Hydroxyzine" to help me sleep, because of anxiety, but it is not daily.
The keto has always worked for me, but I stopped because I have "high cholesterol", but I will be continuing my research. I am overall doing okay now. I am cognitively choosing how to react, respond, to life; I am reading more, engaging more, and setting boundaries as needed to maintain a healthier lifestyle. I still deal with the depression and the anxiety, but I have a great support system and I am forever learning. Thank you.