Symptoms: Brain zaps, Cognitive impairment, Suicidal ideation, Severe anxiety/panic, Muscle/joint pain, Profuse sweating, Twitches, Muscle spasms and rigidity, Tachycardia, Headaches
It all started when I was going through a divorce. My teenage daughter came to live with myself and my husband. Problems arose between my daughter and me which caused problems with my husband and me. He was not a parent and couldn't deal with the normal problems with teens. I went to live with my dad and my daughter went to live with my sister. All of this took its toll on me big time.
I have struggled with depression and self harm since the age of 10. Periodically, I have been on antidepressants throughout my adult life. I only used them for short periods of time when I was feeling suicidal. I would then slowly wean myself off of them. Maybe 3-6 months at a time.
I was suicidal and very depressed after splitting up with my husband and my daughter wanting to live elsewhere. I was prescribed Wellbutrin by my doctor. Paxil in the past had worked for me, but when I was in a relationship it took away my sex drive the last time I took it so I wanted to try something new.
After a month, it had not helped my depression. I had my dad's gun a few times and was so close to using it. I prayed for help and didn't end up doing anything. My doctor decided to double my dosage and add another med on top of Wellbutrin. I don't remember the medication though. Mind you, I am desperate to feel better. I went with what the doctor advised.
A week after, I started having a lot of weird symptoms. Sweating profusely, muscle twitching and spasms. Muscle rigidity, where I couldn't relax my neck, shoulders, or back. I wasn't eating at all. I looked like I was shivering all the time. I would wipe sweat and a second later it was dripping again. I could barely manage going to work, and that was literally all I had left in my mind after losing everything.
I looked up my symptoms and it said that it was most likely Serotonin syndrome. I had all the symptoms, every single one! I messaged the advice nurse with my concerns. She said if I wanted to, I could go to urgent care. I was not in any state to drive, plus I was still deep in my depression. I voiced my concern that it could be life threatening. She said I had a follow up appointment in less than a week and I could talk to my doctor then. She told me not to stop my meds, but I started to wean myself immediately. In my depressed state, I decided to wait.
At my appointment, the nurse noticed my involuntary movements and sweating. My heart rate was 130 BPM, my blood pressure was very high and she was very concerned. The doctor came in immediately and I explained to him what I thought was going on. He had to look it up because it is such a rare occurrence, supposedly. He also told me that the doctor never should have doubled my meds and added another one to it. I was sent to the ER right away because he was concerned about my kidneys shutting down from the prolonged muscle rigidity.
At the hospital, I was given benzos to counteract the Serotonin syndrome and relax my body. After 4 days I asked if I could be sent home with meds because I was in fear of losing my job, which was the one thing I felt I had left. The doctor argued with me for over an hour and refused to send me home with a prescription. I finally left against medical advice without anything to help and was told to keep taking the antidepressants I was prescribed! I had to deal with the symptoms for almost another 2 months. I bought some benzos from a friend just so I had some temporary relief during this time.
The clinic did not take accountability for what happened and stood behind the doctor's decisions with regards to the meds. At that point, I realized I wanted to live. I prayed a lot and ended up meeting a wonderful man when I was still dealing with the physical symptoms. He understood and took care of me physically, mentally and emotionally. I really don't know where I would be if I hadn't self diagnosed myself and weaned myself off those meds.
I have long term lasting side effects from that experience. My neck and shoulder muscles never fully relax and cause me pain all day and every day. Nothing helps and I end up with tension headaches most days. Doctors don't seem to care or understand the permanent damage that was caused. I just hope that this story can help other people to not just blindly follow a doctor's recommendation without researching possible outcomes.