Symptoms: Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD)
The summer before my sophomore year of high school, I was prescribed Zoloft for anxiety and OCD.
On my second afternoon taking the medication, I was standing at my bathroom mirror when I suddenly felt stabbing pain in my genitals that made me crumple to the floor. I also realized that my body was releasing a strange fluid. I was mortified and bewildered. I had never experienced sexual feelings before, but I knew this couldn't be normal. There was zero pleasure—only intense, stabbing pain. Just the pressure of my clothing against the area felt so painful that I was forced to move to the toilet and stay there. I couldn't sit straight because the pain spread to my lower back. I was chugging water to prevent dehydration from the nonstop fluid loss.
Through a little online research, I learned that Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD) can be a rare side effect of SSRIs. PGAD is a condition characterized by persistent, spontaneous, and unwanted genital arousal and, in some cases, orgasmic experiences, without sexual desire or stimulation. It is associated with significant psychological distress.
No one had warned me about this. If I had known there was any possibility of this happening, I never would have taken the chance. I was already extremely disgusted by my own sexual organs due to OCD, and it felt like the worst thing that could have possibly happened to me. It completely broke me.
I never took another Zoloft pill after that day, yet the symptoms persisted. I could barely sleep, only managing to lie down for a few hours at a time, with ice on my crotch. I would have to run downstairs to grab food and water to take up at night when my family was asleep because I was terrified of anyone noticing the strong odor.
Finally, the symptoms subsided after nearly a week, and I was incredibly relieved, albeit still shaken up. But then, ten days later, it happened again. I was minding my own business when I was suddenly struck by the familiar stabbing pain. Once again, I found myself confined to the toilet for several days. The pain was twice as severe as the first time and the worst I had ever experienced: excruciating pain in my genitals, breasts, rectum, back, and thighs. If I tried to lie in bed and rest, my body would convulse violently. I lay in the shower for hours unclothed, letting the water pour over my body in an attempt to numb the sensations. The pain became so unbearable at times that I considered knocking myself unconscious.
This time, I began to seriously question what this might mean for my future. Would I have to bear this torture episodically for the rest of my life, all because of two tiny blue pills? What if I were in public, or at school, and an episode struck? These thoughts led me to begin brainstorming a suicide plan.
Fortunately, after the second episode ended, the worst was truly over. However, the trauma from the ordeal would last a long time, leading me to develop a severe binge eating problem, which I would battle for a year afterward.
I have since had far better results in managing my mental health with a combination of medical keto, the Autoimmune Protocol, and high-dose omega-3 supplementation. If you're struggling with mental illness, I strongly encourage focusing on identifying and addressing the root causes rather than taking a chance with dangerous drugs that may mask symptoms at best and, at worst, leave you significantly more damaged than before.