Symptoms: Akathisia, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, suicidal ideation, severe anxiety/panic, anhedonia, GI disturbances
I was sick for many years dealing with Lyme and mold illness, and over time I developed severe insomnia (which looking back was probably brain inflammation from all of this toxic exposure). Desperate for relief, I turned to medications. I started with an atypical antidepressant, mirtazapine, which worked briefly, but like so many others experience, it quickly stopped being effective. From there, I layered in gabapentin and intermittently used a benzodiazepine just to get through nights.
What started as a short-term solution turned into years of being polymedicated. I was desperate to get back to my life and work after being sick, but each drug would help for a while, then stop working, leaving me worse off and more dependent. Eventually, I realized this path wasn't sustainable.
Under the guidance of a doctor, I tapered off the mirtazapine over just six weeks, which I now know was far too fast, especially given how long I had been on it and how unstable my sleep already was. Since then, my life has been completely turned upside down.
I'm now six weeks off, and I'm dealing with the most severe, life-altering insomnia imaginable. I've lost my ability to function, I can't work, I struggle to be present as a parent, and even basic daily tasks feel overwhelming. Along with that has come intense anhedonia, daily suicidality, and severe akathisia that is hard to even put into words unless you've experienced it.
This has completely destroyed my quality of life.
I'm sharing this because I wish someone had warned me. These medications can feel like a lifeline in the moment, but for some of us, they become a trap, one that's incredibly difficult to get out of.
If you're considering using these drugs as a crutch for sleep or anxiety, please look at every other option first. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone.