Symptoms: Akathisia, brain zaps, emotional blunting, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, neuropathy, severe anxiety/panic, muscle/joint pain, dyskinesia, GI disturbances
I was married young and had three beautiful children. In our twenties we left our families out of state and moved to Austin, Texas for my husband's job. We eventually bought a house and all three children were in school, kindergarten and up. I had been on Adderall or the like since second grade and a host of other medications for anxiety and two bouts of postpartum depression. The doctor warned me about Klonopin but felt like my anxiety, after seeing me for about six years at that point, would be worth trying it.
It has been about ten years since then. I went from being a loving stay-at-home mom and wife to divorced and signing a custody agreement of every other weekend, no child support, no alimony. I was just lost. I never abused the drug. I had relief from anxiety for the first time in my life, but it came with a cost. I lost everything.
I woke up in an apartment two weeks after I chose not to take the drug, even the half of one or half of a half every other day or once a week, far less than it was prescribed, and next thing I knew I went from PTA mom to a zombie. Even my morals changed. I am appalled at what my children have been through with this. I am appalled at what I have put my family through, being sick for years and in and out of work and a toxic relationship or two. I miss my children and my husband, but I thank God he married a wonderful woman. We have had some good years, but I keep finding myself back at square one.
I only struggle now to get off of Adderall and have even tried half a Valium once a month, and did a detox because I thought it would help, but I was never required by any doctor to seek treatment or do anything other than stop meds or keep taking meds if I wanted. I could tell this story much better, but right now I am just trying to put it out there. I still need help. I need to give my children and my family hope somehow.
I have seen a gastroenterologist and had every workup you can imagine and have a diagnosis of IBS, IBD, and SIBO all the time. I have never been the same. My brain has never been the same. I was healthy and whole. I'm very flawed and human to begin with, but I went from a loving, dedicated mother to losing everything. I am still not okay and rely on my family's support. I have come close to stability and getting on my feet, but things just seem to go back to falling apart over and over again. The insomnia has been a nightmare.
If I could help others one day or change this for the better for my family and society as a whole, I would do anything. I would love the chance to tell my story in full or to find lasting healing and support and a life again. Thank you.