Symptoms: Emotional blunting, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, tinnitus, neuropathy, severe anxiety/panic, muscle/joint pain, anhedonia, dyskinesia, GI disturbances
I experienced my first panic attack after a jog on my lunch break. I thought it was a heart attack and my coworker called 911. I was immediately prescribed Paxil and Xanax. I was only 19 years old. I didn't know what those medications were. I trusted the doctors. I didn't know about meditation or therapy or even what these drugs were.
10 years later I wanted to get off the drugs because they don't help, and they've also tried every other anti-anxiety med on me. I went to a detox clinic where I had severe seizures and ended up in ICU with blood pressure so high they had to monitor me to make sure I didn't have a stroke. My doctor then reinstated Paxil, but the Xanax was now prescribed at 0.5mg every five hours to prevent withdrawal seizures. Before that I was taking 0.5mg every eight hours.
I want to be off this medication so badly. I can't leave my house. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I constantly wake up feeling like my insides are vibrating and my heart is racing. It hurts to touch my skin. My senses are so heightened that I am afraid one day it will drive me over the edge because I can never relax. I don't have a normal life at all. Nobody can help me.
I'm afraid to taper because I take the pills every five hours. I can't even cross-taper because Valium does nothing for me. I've read the Ashton manual. I lost my 20s and 30s. I want to feel alive again in my 40s. I am hopeless.