Symptoms: Akathisia, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, suicidal ideation, severe anxiety/panic, muscle/joint pain, anhedonia, GI disturbances
Hanging by a thread, yet I breathe only for today. Jesus gives me strength for one more day.
My story began the day I was born, laced with trauma that never stopped carving its mark. I don't know why some souls carry heavier crosses, but it has forged in me a deep, merciless compassion for those who suffer. Therapy, forgiveness, and Jesus brought me here. I'm grateful, truly.
Yet every basic task now feels like war.
For over twenty-five years I've lived on antidepressants. This past year, swallowing them became impossible. There was no gradual tapering. I went cold turkey and was off of them for seven months. The withdrawal was hell, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, dissociation, and delusions of grandeur. I am now back on them. Relief is small, but the delusions are gone.
The only way I can describe my life: I'm climbing Everest with no equipment on.
Thank you for listening. For giving me a place to be heard, and the strength to keep climbing.