Symptoms: Emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, depersonalization/derealization, tinnitus, anhedonia, GI disturbances
In December 2016, I suddenly had diarrhea from all foods except boiled potatoes. I lost a third of my body weight in that month. In January 2017 we did all the analyses, including colonoscopy, and all came out negative. I was healthy on paper except for having panic attacks.
So I consulted a psychiatrist, who prescribed Paroxetine 20mg daily. First ten days, then a month, then three months. It relieved the symptoms so I could slowly start eating meat and other foods, and my weight stabilized. It saved my life.
My memory is fuzzy at best. I remember only that I had severe sexual dysfunction (inability to ejaculate, lack of libido), complete lack of motivation, and anhedonia. It was during this time that I found JBP, read the 12 Rules, then Maps of Meaning, then 12 More Rules. I dove deep into philosophy. I was a different man than before the treatment. Different hobbies, different temperament, even my speech patterns changed.
Then, at the end of June 2017, I stopped cold turkey. I didn't consult anyone, and I didn't know any better. Withdrawal was hell. I just remember intense vertigo and vision blackouts whenever I moved my head. Couldn't even sit in a car. It took around a week for the symptoms to subside. I had to take a week of medical vacation since I was unable to look at a screen or even walk by myself. The panic attacks returned with a low enough frequency to be manageable.
It took around a year to regain sexual function, by practising complete abstinence for two months, then by having regular (weekly) sessions with my wife. My libido never recovered to the original level. Neither did my anhedonia go away. It got better, but I can never be truly happy nor be as pleasantly surprised as before. This all was ten years ago.
The bad part: December 2025, I had some health issues (antibiotics, kidney stones) that stressed me out, so I had daily panic attacks and GI problems. So I'm back on Paroxetine, this time 10mg daily. Sexual dysfunction is back, anhedonia is worse than ever, and emotionally I'm a rock. The only feeling that still has colour is anger. As a new symptom this time, I also got occasional tinnitus, independent of my blood pressure or other factors.
Since then I have had no panic attacks and my GI problems are recovering, so I'll probably start weaning off next week. But this time I'll be using hyperbolic tapering, and with some luck it won't be as bad.