Symptoms: Brain zaps, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, tinnitus, neuropathy, muscle/joint pain, GI disturbances, bounding/balance issues, MCAS, POTS
My life can never be the same again. I lost my two grown daughters. Three grandchildren I had been seeing, and two more boys born after that, that I've not laid eyes on. I experienced anxiety that made me crazy. I used to freeze as well. Just sit frozen, unable to move for hours. This was before I quit. Then brain zaps and panic after quitting overnight.
I couldn't get a refill during COVID. My doctor denied I was his patient when I made a fuss, too busy he said, go elsewhere. I decided the heck with how doctors were behaving in 2021 and quit cold turkey after 19 years on this benzo med. No one said I shouldn't. The pharmacist didn't warn me. Another doctor gave me 30 days' worth, no discussion at all. Told me to get a new family doctor. Systems matter, not lives!
I ended up at an addiction clinic after 12 months, then tapered off another benzo for two years. Very wrong thing to do as it got steadily worse, and now I was swaying back and forth too. My gut was paralysed. For two years I used herbs. I now have metabolic upset. Gained 24 kg. The tinnitus screams loud and constant. Histamine issues, MCAS. POTS. Things I'd never heard of before.
Bounding sensation when I walk, like the floor is moving. I'm bouncing as my balance is gone. I keep my hands out to steady myself. Swaying back and forth when I'm still. I have to consciously hold my body still. My feet are numb, spongy, and pricking simultaneously. Sharp pricking from my thighs down. Joints hurt. Sensory issues are extreme, lights, sounds, and fibro pain and bumps all over in my muscles. Prior to 2021 when I cold quit, none of this existed.
I was taking meds for insomnia. Now I fall asleep quickly without them! Such a bizarre thing! That improved, but I lost everything that mattered to me, including all hope. I can now say that I have B.I.N.D. No one cares. No one can see properly what I feel.