Symptoms: Emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, suicidal ideation, neuropathy, severe anxiety/panic, muscle/joint pain, GI disturbances
I was prescribed antidepressants when I was about 25. I was a shepherd, working on an isolated farm that didn't have time to socialise much. I was burnt out, lived with an alcoholic on SSRIs, and had a terrible diet. I went to the doctor and was first prescribed antidepressants. I then stayed on them for three to five years and then came off them cold turkey and I was fine. I was eating well and going to the gym and in great shape.
A few years later, I was married and had our first child on the way. I was still farming, more isolated and a bit stressed, and was recommended by my doctor to go on antidepressants again after ticking enough boxes in their survey chart. I was prescribed Venlafaxine and was on it for almost ten years. As the years went on, I developed a very low libido, sexual dysfunction, emotional blunting, GI issues, very poor sleep, major brain fog and was still depressed and anxious.
My wife had started to research the effects of long-term use of antidepressants and we decided I should wean off. In the past, my doctor said to reduce the doses in half every few weeks. So I did that, and it took me about two to three months. Near the end of the taper, my symptoms really flared up. I started crying all the time, and at work. I was more depressed and anxious and I developed extreme diarrhea. About three months after getting off Venlafaxine, I hit rock bottom. I quit my job and went back to an old job. I lost all confidence in my ability to work, in skills I used to be super competent in. I was beyond exhausted trying to fight to get out of bed every day to provide for my family while I felt completely at the end of my capability to function and live. My GI issues were horrific, diarrhea 10–12 times a day. I couldn't think straight, my brain fog was extreme. I knew I should feel like I should care about taking my life, but I was so emotionally blunted, I didn't care. I was getting little to no sleep a night, I was fighting back panic attacks getting out of bed to work every day. My depression was severe. I had an emotional breakdown and my wife took me to the doctor because we had no idea what to do. The doctor said I have relapsed in depression and need to get back onto antidepressants and that it could be a lifelong illness and "chemical imbalance" in my brain I just need to accept. I was prescribed antidepressants and sleeping pills.
My wife and I felt so gaslit for questioning antidepressants by the doctors and friends and family around us. But we decided to push through and find alternative ways of treatment. We found a nutritionist to try to fix my gut health and had in-depth blood tests. I focused on a clean, high-protein diet with vegetables, no refined sugar, no gluten, or processed foods, good fat and fruit. I went onto good quality supplements and started exercising. I also did a liver cleanse for two weeks and started to really feel better after that.
But as time went on, I have started to really relapse. I've had a few mental breakdowns since then. I've kept eating clean (about 90% clean) and exercising. It seemed to be when I reintroduced a small amount of A2 lactose-free milk to have with my decaf coffee and a small treat or two on the weekends that I relapsed and have felt at rock bottom since. I've now been off antidepressants for 18 months.
My wife discovered Dr. Josef Witt-Doerring and we have found him very informative, and I feel like what I'm going through actually feels validated. I think I developed protracted withdrawal from weaning off Venlafaxine too fast and not reintroducing it in a fast enough window to wean off it more safely.
I'm now at the point where I can't function to work. I've never been like this. I've always been hard working and resilient. I'm a complete shell of the person I used to be. I became a Christian in the last year. Jesus and my church family are the only thing that anchors me. This suffering is so lonely and no one around me really understands, except my wife, what I'm going through.
We are really hoping as time goes on, I can heal. It's next to impossible to find a doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist here in New Zealand that understands how damaging antidepressants are and how to walk alongside patients with protracted withdrawal. It's unheard of. Which makes this journey even harder when there isn't support.