Symptoms: Emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, suicidal ideation, anhedonia
I want to keep this brief and anonymous. I’m a 33-year-old female.
I was on 20mg of Lexapro from late 2011–early 2013 for Generalised Anxiety Disorder and OCD, then I switched to 150mg of Sertraline (Lustral, then off brand) from mid 2013–mid 2014. I stupidly cold-turkeyed the latter (and haven’t been on any meds since) when I was 21 years old. Since then, I haven’t been aroused once, despite spending a lot of money over the years on various treatments (to no avail).
My main issue is anhedonia. For me, that’s even worse than the sexual side effects. I can’t even remember the last time I felt excited for anything. 12 years ago, maybe?
I have been gaslit for years by a variety of doctors, psychologists, and therapists, so I just gave up telling them.
I haven’t experienced windows, either.
I have, however, regained some slight, vague, brief state of semi-arousal in dreams once every other month from early 2021 onwards (7 years after ceasing SSRIs), which may be something. What induced these dreams was a slight change of mind. I went from thinking I was hopeless and this was permanent, to thinking that maybe I could heal.
These somatic sensations last for a few seconds and vary in intensity (from 5 percent–40 percent) and feel like a vague shadow of quasi-arousal. Nothing like before PSSD, but it is something (albeit mild, fleeting, and sporadic).
I hesitate to share my story, as I don’t want to inspire hopelessness in others. I know my case is extreme, but I still feel like there may be hope for us all (myself included).