Symptoms: Akathisia, brain zaps, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, tinnitus, muscle/joint pain, anhedonia, orthostatic hypotension, visual snow syndrome (severe vision issues)
I was prescribed 20 mg of Lexapro at age 24 for presentation anxiety at university. I stayed on it for 7 years because I couldn’t stop due to withdrawal symptoms, which I didn’t even know existed at the time. From the beginning, I had migraines every night and relied on painkillers. I also developed sexual dysfunction and reduced libido.
At the time, my partner sometimes urged me to stop because my personality had changed—I wasn’t as warm or emotionally present as before.
I tried several times to stop during the first two years, as I was close to finishing university and my life had been good before, despite the generalized anxiety disorder. I wanted to overcome the general anxiety I had developed. Lexapro didn’t really help with presentations, though it reduced my anxiety to some extent.
In 2018, at age 29, I decided to reduce the dose by half, since the 4-week tapering plan I had been given didn’t work. I then suffered severe symptoms for two years. I saw multiple doctors and underwent many tests trying to understand what was happening, including EEGs that showed abnormalities. At that point, I still had no idea that withdrawal syndromes like this existed, and I didn’t seek support from any communities.
Eventually, I stabilized somewhat, though I remained impaired, and I decided not to try stopping again. Even my EEG no longer showed spikes, so it was probably due to withdrawal, as I later found research suggesting this can happen.
In 2022, I developed fatigue and dysphagia. I had gradually become like a zombie, with memory and vision problems among other issues, so I decided to stop again. Once more, I discontinued over 4 weeks, as I was still unaware of proper tapering methods.
After that, I experienced a wide range of severe symptoms for two years: dysphagia, fatigue, inability to sit upright in a chair, anhedonia, apathy, severe vertigo, fever, orthostatic hypotension, dementia-like symptoms, and more.
At around the two-year mark, about half of my symptoms had improved, and I felt I was on the path to recovery. I was still struggling, but I had regained my emotions, skin sensitivity, and other functions.
However, during a particularly severe wave, I made a mistake and took a multivitamin that contained an herb affecting the nervous system. I was aware that crashes could happen, but I was very unwell at the time and didn’t realize what the herb was. I crashed badly and lost about half of the progress I had made including improvements in memory, cognition, and visualization. For a brief time, I had started to feel like myself again, but that changed.
Now, two years after that setback (four years in total), I am no longer healing the way I was before, and I feel left with a severe, lasting injury. I no longer experience PAWS, but I have lost my emotions again and now suffer from significant cognitive impairment. My tinnitus has also become permanent, among other ongoing issues.
I am doing my best, in a safe and careful way, to seek recognition for what I’ve experienced, but it seems that adverse effects like these are not easily acknowledged or diagnosed.
Our lives matter too.