Symptoms: Akathisia, emotional blunting, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, neuropathy, severe anxiety/panic, anhedonia
So I had a miscarriage and redundancy. I was given a prescription for citalopram. Then I had 2 babies and covid hit. Before I knew it 6 years had passed.
Late 2025 my chemist stopped opening on a Saturday so I found it really hard to get my prescription. I started to take it erratically which led to the decision to go cold turkey at Christmas. 3 weeks later I was hit with severe anxiety and panic attacks. I reinstated my old dose and at first it was bliss.
But again 3 weeks later I was hit with activation syndrome—chemical terror, insomnia, night terrors, akathisia—which I endured for a month hoping it would pass until I dropped down to 10mg. Although my body wasn’t shaking anymore I still had a racing mind and insomnia.
I’ve now introduced 15mg of mirtazapine and I’m much better physically but my mood is all over the place as I’m only 2 weeks in to the mirtazapine. I’m absolutely traumatised and broken and don’t know how to move forward.
The NHS doesn’t have a clue about withdrawal or tapering and I’m having to do everything via online support. I’m not insane anymore but my mood is wild and I’m absolutely traumatised. I’m at risk of losing everything. Had to take time off work. Risk my relationships. I was too scared to pick my kids up from school or go to a shop.
It’s my own fault for going cold turkey but I never had a medication review and I wasn’t in my right mind because of erratically dosing. I’m horrified and wounded and don’t know how to move forward.