Symptoms: Brain zaps, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, severe anxiety/panic, muscle/joint pain, GI disturbances, restless leg syndrome
23 years. 23 years stolen from me, my family, my friends. In 92 I had severe postpartum depression. It was about the time Prozac came out. I was put on 20 mg and said I would be fine. I wasn’t. So they put me on 40. Then eventually I was on 80. Yet I kept getting worse. So they added another antidepressant. Didn’t help. Put me on a mood stabilizer. Started with lithium. Then Tegretol then every other mood stabilizer. Yet the more they gave me the more depressed I became. They thought that Xanax and Valium in the mix would help which only exacerbated everything else. Hospitalized twice for suicidal ideation. The more they gave the worse I got. Towards the end I was on four antidepressants, two mood stabilizers, Xanax and valium. Trying to kill myself all day everyday. Then I lost my insurance benefits. Which means I could not afford my medication.
Weaned off over 6 months which consisted of me in the fetal position in a dark room throwing up and extreme vertigo. But after that 6 months I realized I was not depressed. I was not suicidal. It was the after effects that started to ruin my life. The brains zapps. The memory issues. Restless leg syndrome. Unable to sleep. Constant twitching. And on and on. And now I’m left with the aftermath, chronic pain from fibromyalgia, brain issues, and who knows what it did to my organs.
I constantly Wonder why did they not test my hormone level? Why did they feel it was okay just to throw a pharmaceutical at me? And then keep giving me pharmaceuticals? Why was there no baseline ever tested for me? It’s infuriating that’s so much of my life was altered because of medication. I lost friends. I lost jobs. Lost my first marriage. Almost lost my 2nd marriage. My poor children. The erratic behavior from that medication. The anger, the violence, the reckless actions.
I am so grateful to still be alive. But I always wonder the long-term effects. And I pray no other doctor does what they did to me to another person. This was 12 years ago. I have not been depressed a day since. But I can never get back those 23 years.