Symptoms: Emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, neuropathy, severe anxiety/panic, GI disturbances
When I was a kid, a person (I refuse to call psychiatrists doctors) prescribed multiple ssris and ssnris to treat problems he perceived were happening. Unfortunately I was abused as a child, and presented with symptoms of depression, which this non-doctor person believed meant I had severe psychological disturbances. No, I was experiencing normal human emotions from being abused. I was diagnosed with depression, adhd, could I be bipolar? No diagnosis was off the table. I was medicated with drugs that had only been approved a few years prior and their effects in children were unknown. I reacted severely and required hospitalization. My little body couldn’t handle what was happening. I endured this from ages 8-18. When I turned 18 I had known for a while this was abuse, and that there was nothing wrong with me. I attempted to stop all medications, not knowing anything about the need to taper. I was actually successful at first but then the insomnia hit. It lasted years, destroying my life and threatening to pull me out of college. So I went back. I let them put me on trazodone. And from that point, the dance I dance is getting to choose whether to feel awful because I’ve taken my insomnia meds, or choosing to feel awful because I didn’t take them. They’ve tried everything for the insomnia, and each medication works for a moment, and then my insomnia only worsens. Recently I was diagnosed with a pain disorder and I have to wonder how much of this is all related.
I’m nearly 40 now and due to chronic insomnia and the health effects that come with, I doubt I’ll live a full life. I suffer every second. I barely know what day it is, and I slur my words as though drunk. I suffer from extreme anxiety that leaves if I don’t take these awful meds. I sleep through the night but feel is if I haven’t slept at all, likely a result of the meds changing my ability to actually fall into a deep sleep at all. I’m afraid this damage is permanent. I want to make sure others know….NO psychiatric meds are safe, no matter what they tell you. They have no plan to get people off of these drugs.