Symptoms: Emotional blunting, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, severe anxiety/panic
When I was 16, I was diagnosed with anorexia and immediately put on SSRIs (started on Prozac). They never worked for me. I got more depressed, more anxious, and extremely reckless with my behavior. I had zero emotional control and no care for my safety. I was so numb, I started drinking a lot to feel something. I told my psychiatrist that I was suicidal, depressed, and constantly thinking about death. She just gave me more medication. The obsession with death worsened and it consumed me. When I was 17, I took 300 extra strength tylenol, a bottle of nyquil, and a handle of vodka in an attempt to kill myself. Somehow, right before I passed out, I called my older brother (I have no recollection of doing so). I was in the Children’s Hospital for a week with liver failure. I was then taken to a mental hospital and placed under involuntary hold where I was treated in ways I can’t ever get out of my head.
For the next 5 years I was put on and off different SSRIs and bipolar medications (even though I was never diagnosed as bipolar). I got consistently more depressed and anxious and reckless. Most of college for me was spent trying to not kill myself. When I was 22, I started listening to podcasts about SSRIs and finally had enough. I took myself off of them, had a horrendous withdrawal, but pushed through. Since March 2024, I have not been suicidal or depressed. My anxiety is completely normal. I can feel human emotions again. I care about my life.
No one ever told my parents or I that being suicidal was a side effect of SSRIs. I 100% believe that I would have never tried to commit suicide had I not been put on SSRIs. Anorexia can be treated without them, but instead the lazy and more profitable way was for my doctors to blunt any emotions that I had (leading me to relapse several times--as I don’t believe you can fully recover in a numb state). Happy to say that I am okay now, on all fronts. But my childhood and college experience was robbed from me. I just hope parents can get better informed consent before putting their kids on these medications.