Symptoms: Brain zaps, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, tinnitus, severe anxiety/panic, anhedonia, GI disturbances
My name is Tomasz Starczewski. I am from Poland and currently live in Wrocław. My story began in 2008, when, after only a brief consultation lasting a few minutes, I was diagnosed with social phobia and prescribed antidepressants for the first time—paroxetine. From that point on, my life began to change in ways I could not have anticipated. Gradually, I felt as though I was losing the person I once was.
Over the following years, my treatment was repeatedly altered—medications were switched, adjusted, and discontinued due to increasingly severe side effects. In total, I was prescribed more than a dozen different drugs. Among those that had the most profound negative impact on me were paroxetine, venlafaxine, sertraline (which I consider the most harmful in my case), fluvoxamine, bupropion, and alprazolam.
Whenever I tried to explain to doctors that the symptoms I was experiencing—such as sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, emotional numbness, anhedonia, and suicidal thoughts—had never been present before taking medication, my concerns were dismissed. I was told these were simply symptoms of depression, and the proposed solution was usually a higher dose or a different drug. For years, I moved from one specialist to another in search of help, only to leave with new prescriptions or questionable diagnoses.
Eventually, I came across the Surviving Antidepressants forum. For the first time, I realized that I was not alone, and it became clear to me that what I was going through could be linked to long-term use of psychiatric medications.
In 2018, I decided to stop taking them. At that time, hyperbolic tapering was not widely discussed, so I followed the recommendations available on the forum. About eight to nine months after discontinuation, I developed what is known as protracted withdrawal syndrome, along with post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD).
The following six years were the most challenging period of my life. Initially, I continued to seek medical help and underwent further testing, but I quickly realized that most professionals were unfamiliar with conditions such as protracted withdrawal or PSSD. Instead of support, I often heard suggestions like, “Maybe you should go back on medication?”
For a long time, I was unable to function normally. I struggled with daily suicidal thoughts, episodes of panic and aggression, and severe cognitive difficulties. Reading, thinking, or even understanding conversations became overwhelming. It felt as though my emotions and sexuality had been chemically erased, leaving me empty and disconnected from life. Alongside this, I experienced numerous physical symptoms, including akathisia, vision disturbances, tinnitus, and more. I did not want to die—but I no longer felt able to truly live.
Around three years after stopping the medications, my condition began to stabilize slightly. This allowed me to start taking basic care of myself again. I focused on improving my gut health, adjusting my diet, staying physically active, and slowly reconnecting with others. In the beginning, however, even simple social interactions required me to “act” as though I felt emotions I could not yet access.
Recovery was not a straight path. There were setbacks along the way, including attempts at reinstating medication. Still, over time, things gradually improved.
Today, it has been eight years since I stopped taking antidepressants, and for the past two years I feel that I have fully regained myself.
What once felt like a devastating and traumatic experience has become something meaningful. I now use my story to support others who are going through similar struggles. Through my website, YouTube channel, and social media, I aim to raise awareness about the potential risks associated with antidepressants and to help people navigate the process of tapering and recovery.
I am no longer the same person who once reached for medication. I have become someone new shaped by difficult experiences, but also enriched by them, with a deeper understanding of life and greater empathy for others.
Best regards,
Tomasz Starczewski