Symptoms: Akathisia, emotional blunting, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, tinnitus, neuropathy, severe anxiety/panic, muscle/joint pain, GI disturbances, severe anhedonia, constant nausea, crying jags, no desire for food, severe depression, sensitive to sound
I never took any meds. Rarely took antibiotics or even aspirin. It was a happy time in my life. I just wasn’t sleeping at all.
August 29, 2014 - I stupidly trusted my doctor. She knew I was into health and nutrition. She diagnosed me with a sleep problem and prescribed 50 mg. of Trazadone at bedtime. I remember waking up depressed after taking the Trazadone just one time and letting her know.
September 17, 2014 – Email from doctor:
Sep 17, 2014 at 04:03:00 PM
Dear Ms. Pam,
Dr. G wants you to try this medication:
Temazepam (RESTORIL) 15 mg Oral Cap
Sig: 1 CAPSULE BY MOUTH DAILY AT BEDTIME AS NEEDED FOR SLEEP
Dispense: 30
Refill: 0
Stop taking trazodone. Hope that helps.
Sincerely,
ELIZABETH RN, BSN
On behalf of Dr. G
FAMILY MEDICINE
In the whole month of November 2014, I was perfectly fine. The end of December 2014, I was feeling shaky and anxious internally (something I never felt before) and I assumed I was feeling this way because of my hormones and my hormonal pellet that was due.
December 29, 2014 - I got my pellet and symptoms of shakiness did not subside. My symptoms were getting worse into January 2015. I then thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I had crying jags, depression, constant internal shakes etc.
January 26, 2015 - I had an appointment with Dr. G and was totally scared of how I was feeling. On her notes of this appointment, she listed Temazepam for sleep and Lorazepam for anxiety along with Effexor for depression. I didn’t think for one second that when she prescribed Temazepam to replace Trazadone for sleep it would start symptoms of anxiety which I have NEVER had my whole life and then additionally being prescribed Lorazepam for the anxiety that the Temazepam caused. I know now the internal anxiety started with the Temazepam medication prescribed for sleep and the Lorazepam prescribed for that anxiety made it worse where I was experiencing inter-dose withdrawal of which I had no knowledge of at the time. Luckily, I stopped the Effexor cold turkey not even taking it two weeks.
TAPERED March 15, 2015 to June 2, 2015 DONE
(Total of 85 pills in six months including taper…All of December 2014 to end of May 2015)
(Total 10 hellish months both emotional and physical January 2015 to November 2015 when I healed.)
SYMPTOMS HORRENDOUS: super sad and severe depression, doomsville, severe non-stop headache, head feels like bowling ball on my neck, shaky inside, extreme weakness like gumby arms and legs, lethargic, overwhelming fatigue, severe constant muscle pain, constant queasiness, fearful, vision impaired, can’t feel ANY joy, icky gut feeling, super sensitive to smells, sounds and temperature, no appetite, fear of my own home, fear of the future, feel alone in the world, severe ringing in ears, depersonalization, derealization
June 1, 2015 – 2:28 p.m. – I emailed doctor’s office asking to liquid taper. The email says I was down to less than ¼ mg. of Lorazepam once a night. This then became the night I forgot to take the ¼ mg. of Lorazepam and stopped altogether.
I WAS SO TRUSTING OF DOCTORS AND TOTALLY SCARED TO DEATH OF MY CONDITION SINCE I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY MY WHOLE LIFE!!! I was scared to death and so uninformed. Luckily, I stopped that anti-depressant in a couple of weeks, however, I was taking the Lorazepam to feel “normal” but had what I now know was inter-dose withdrawal. In between doses of the medication, I was experiencing hellish symptoms which lead me to believe I was mentally ill.
Somehow, I found my way to BenzoBuddies and discovered what was happening. It was the medication that was causing me to not feel “normal”. I learned I needed to taper off the medication or go into possible seizures. Since I was on such a low dose (as my ignorant doctor called it and said just take one every other day which is very ill-advised), I tapered off slowly but I don’t think slow enough. I never stabilized while tapering. I took a total of 85 one milligram Lorazepam pills to my last crumb June 1, 2015. Pure torturous, inhumane hell but I healed by November 2015.
I didn’t think for one second that I would have any setbacks. I thought my hell was over. Especially being a short-term user, I was just so glad that evil poison was out of my system.
January 2026 - Fast forward - Currently, I am in my 6th setback, mental and physical torture with absolutely no windows. This 6th setback started in March 2023. I believe my triggers for this setback were an EKG of 12 leads being placed on me, XRAYS at the dentist office and a tour of a very toxic smelling old folk’s home. It has been pure torture this whole time. If this hadn’t happened to me, I would not believe it to be true. I have been living mental and physical hellish torture 24/7!! I have suffered multiple years when adding up all my setbacks which is longer than when I took the medication for 5-6 months and that’s including the tapering time. Why? Why have I suffered for so long after stopping that poison? That keeps going through my head. And why would a medication that causes so much damage be on the market still?
I, also, feel no one ever talks about the severity of setbacks especially those of us who are completely healed in between and there is no explanation or support for these hellish setbacks. Through this hell, I always forced myself to go to work. It was a safe place for me since I live alone and had no help. I am now 72. I eat pure organic whole foods, grass-fed organic meats, no caffeine, no sugar, no alcohol and no gluten and I only drink filtered fluoride free water tinted with my organic pure lemon juice. I force myself to walk outside every day for my Vitamin D. I stopped all synthetic supplements. I’ve done everything in my power to heal!! I am so scared that I am damaged for life. My life is over as I knew it. I wonder when (if) I heal again what is going to cause the next setback!! Could it be more than our receptors being damaged? Honestly, I completely heal in between setbacks other than the lessened physical weakness that is manageable.