Symptoms: Akathisia, brain zaps, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, cognitive impairment, insomnia, depersonalization/derealization, suicidal ideation, tinnitus, neuropathy, muscle/joint pain, GI disturbances
After dealing with chronic health issues like IBS, my new doctor pressured me to finally try an antidepressant. The doctor said it would restore my gut-brain axis. It would fix my chemical imbalance.
Cymbalta for 3 days. The side effects were too rough. Grinding jaw, mania for the first time in my life, robotic energy, loss of fear, zero sleep the first night, entire body became numb. Nortriptyline for 3 weeks. Side effects ramped to a thousand. PSSD instantly after starting Nortriptyline, complete chemical castration and genital numbness. After stopping the antidepressants, the sexual side effects did not resolve. I felt horrible, and my life felt like it was over.
Then I learned there are deeper layers to hell. Within a month, the anhedonia built up. Emotional blunting, loss of smell/taste, the emotional spectrum flattened out. Cognitive dysfunction, loss of skin sensation on the body, loss of endorphins from exercise, lack of sweat and hormonal signals, DP/DR, blurred vision, burning nerve pain, memory loss.
Soon I flared into Akathisia after taking a single pill of an NSAID. Drug injuries tend to sensitize the body to more damage. Feeling like I was jolted by a cattle prod every 5 seconds for 7 days straight, only somewhat tamed by benzos.
Put on benzos to manage the symptoms, and later Mirtazapine to restore sleep and appetite. Drug damage accumulated, fatigue worsened, Mirtazapine caused extreme weight gain, vision loss, cognitive dysfunction, and more.
Over two years, many crashes, with only small glimpses of hope to manage survival. Symptoms persist, and some feel permanent. Chronic akathisia remains, and flares up into complete breakdown at times. Emotional numbing improved, but still a far cry from normal mentality. Stuck in a state of constant DP/DR and dissolution from the self. Antidepressants stole my life, and I hope to share so that this can never happen again.